The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a small beautiful book that explains four wisdoms that everyone needs to follow to enjoy the life's beauty. As per the author everything is God. The book starts with an interesting truth the 'domestication of human being'. In this section the author tells that humans are always dreaming. Everyone is born with the ability to dream. When a human is born those who are born before him teaches him how to dream based on society rules. These dreams are outside dreams. All these dreams together constitute the planet dream. Without realizing each human's unique goals in this earth, we are programmed by our care takers to dream in a particular way. Every child craves for attention. And the care takers utilize this to implant the dreams which they want or the society want. The child starts to learn what is acceptable and not acceptable. The fear of rejection or punishment makes the child to release his real dream. This leads to him to self rejection, pleasing others and go with the need for perfection. All this is the part of domestication of a human being. Even in the book 'The Code of Extra Ordinary' by Vishen Lakhiani explains how we are brainwashed by the society bullshit rules.
The first agreement in the book is ' Be impeccable with your word'. The word is a powerful source that one can use to change one's life or destroy life. The author says that the word is like a seed and the human mind is so fertile. Unfortunately, it is too often fertile for the seeds of fear. Impeccability means without sin. When you do anything against yourself it is a sin. The author says self rejection is the biggest sin you commit. When you are impeccable you take full responsibility of your actions without judging yourself. The book gives many points about the importance of word. No one can deny the importance of words in one's childhood. Changes should happen first in yourself, how you think about yourself, how you judge. When you change the way you use the words for yourself, then you can change the way you use the words outside of yourself. The book says your opinion is nothing but your point of view and it is coming from your beliefs, or ego. When you are impeccable you will also get immunity from outside negative words. You no longer fertile ground for the fear. It leads to the second agreement.
The second agreement is 'Don't take anything personally'. The author gives multiple explanations in this section for why you shouldn't take anything personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. When we take other people's opinion or judgement personally, on the hind side we are becoming more selfish. Each people have their own world inside. Whatever comes from others are representation of their world. When you take it personally, we assume that they know our inner world and in response we try to impose our world on their world. When you take things personally, you feel offended and will try to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. When you realize that others are responding based on their inner world, their beliefs , their inner dramas, you won't take anything personally. Whatever they think, whatever they say is personal for them. You don't need to be accepted by others. similarly, your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one else's truth. And you don't expect others to believe what you believe. This is true with your thoughts as well. The words you are thinking may not be true. You could realize by analyzing a particular thought that a part you need one thing and the other part of you need exactly the opposite. As explained in the book 'The untethered soul by Michael A Singer' you are not your thoughts but you are the observer of your thoughts. The author also teaches that you shouldn't have to trust others as much as you trust you because they are telling lies to themselves. I liked the idea of 'when we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do.'
The third agreement is 'Don't make assumptions'. When you make assumptions you automatically believe it since you are making assumptions from your beliefs. As Tony Robbins said 'Where focus goes, energy flows', we see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear. We don't perceive things as they are. We believe others are also thinking as we are thinking and it leads you to think that others will judge as you judge yourself. This stops you from being yourself around others. The author says in order to stop making assumptions, ask questions. Ask questions until you are clear. Don't think that your partner knows what you are thinking. Ask for more when you feel bad when your loved one said something. It may not be what you assumed what your loved one meant. When you are free from making assumptions you could freely communicate without any emotional poison. When you could communicate without any assumptions, all relationships will change. You have to take action over and over again to implant the new habit of not making assumptions.
The fourth agreement is 'Always do your best'. You will do your best when you are enjoying the action. You will do your best when you want to do it, not when you have to do it. You should be able to let go of the past to do your best for your dreams. The first three agreements will work only when you do your best. You have all the knowledge required and take action and do your best. As the poet Maya Angelou told 'Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better'. The four agreements are the summary of the mastery of transformation. Don't be worried about the future. Be present and live one day at a time.
In the preface section, the author is persuading to break from old agreements we attached to. You are free when you are yourself. In this society, you are not trained to be free. The judgement, victimisation, belief systems don't allow you to be who you really are. The real freedom you are longing for is the freedom to be who you really are. Unfortunately most of the people are unaware that they are not free. The first step to freedom is the awareness that you are not free. You should aware about the problem to be find a solution. Once you aware then you should take actions to be free, to be free of domestications. Once you master the transformation, the next step is the mastery of love. When you realize your freedom, you will start to see outside as it is not as per your reality. You will love yourself , your body , your emotions as just as the way you are. You could see beauty all around you. You could experience the real happiness.
A powerful small book that let you think and question yourself. When you understand the four agreements, you could feel the fog that blinds you from real happiness fades away. As explained in the book, I realized even if I explain to someone that I have learned from this book I cannot expect them to understand the same as I did. Everyone sees the world as they want to be not as it is. I wish everyone could read this book and do the unlearn.
Some of the beautiful quotes from the book:
The dream of the planet is the collective dream of billions of smaller, personal dreams,which together create a dream of a family, a dream of a community, a dream of a city, a dream of a country, and finally a dream of the whole humanity.
With that fear of being punished and that fear of not getting the reward, we start pretending to be what we are not, just to please others, just to be good enough for someone else.
even if we know we didn't choose all these beliefs, it is also true that we agreed to all of them. The agreement is so strong that even if we understand the concept of it not being true, we feel the blame, the guilt, and the shame that occur if we go against these rules.
Our belief system is the Book of Laws that rules our personal dream.
Ninety-five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all these lies.
Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves; it is why we don't accept ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are.
Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system.
Your opinion is nothing but your point of view. It is not necessarily true.Your opinion comes from your beliefs, your own ego, and your own dream. We create all this poison and spread it to others just so we can feel right about our own point of view.
Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about "me."
It is not important to me what you think about me, and I don't take what you think personally.
Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.
Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one's truth but yours.
We have a choice whether or not to believe the voices we hear within our own minds, just as we have a choice of what to believe and agree with in the dream of the planet.
When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do.
You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you.
We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear. We don't perceive things the way they are.
Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want.
Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them this means we don't really like them.
The day you stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison.
You do your best because you want to do it, not because you have to do it, not because you are trying to please the Judge, and not because you are trying to please other people.
True freedom has to do with the human spirit — it is the freedom to be who we really are.
you are no longer a child. Now it's up to you to choose what to believe and what not to believe. You can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself.
We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much we don't want to keep paying for the injustice.
You will know you have forgiven someone when you see them and you no longer have an emotional reaction.
We must learn to control the emotions so we have enough personal power to change our fear-based agreements, escape from hell, and create our own personal heaven.
The dream you are living is your creation. It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time.
The only reason you are happy is because you choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice, and so is suffering.
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